Want to swap shoes with Sarah Brown? It\'s in the bag

Tag : skin scrap

They were a pair of sleek Stella McCartney shoes: chocolate brown,4in stiletto heels, size 7, original price about £300. Goingfor a tenner. Even so, the scrap to own them wasn't seemly. DanniiMinogue got in first but her feet are so teeny that her shoes arecrafted by elves. Then Ronni Ancona, the impressionist, tried themon. Nice fit. The deal seemed closed until GMTV's Penny Smithsteamed in. They looked a bit big but Penny wasn't worried aboutchafing.
I watch the shoes' original owner regard the fight with wryamusement. “Have you ever worn them?” I ask.“Yes, just once, for the British Fashion Awards,” saysSarah Brown. “And that means they're doomed. I can't wearthem again.” There is exasperation in her voice. She clearlythinks it absurd that she would be judged as dowdy or cheap forwearing the same distinctive heels twice.
Yet she is not only the Prime Minister's wife but a successful PR.She knows that she must avoid perceptions of Cherie-style excess,while on her right flank is Samantha Cameron - effortlessly chicwhether in Topshop or Temperley, and responsible for a Tory surgeamong young women voters. Although spending time with Sarah Brownyou conclude only that, if she were willing to raise her publicprofile, she would be her husband's best electoral asset. We are atGood Housekeeping magazine's celebrity accessories swap, held atthe North London home of Kathy Lette, the punning Aussie author.The idea is to bring along a few items that you have seldom worn.You then trade your old handbags or heels and, for each swap, pay£10 to the Macmillan Cancer Support charity.
From careful study of Grazia magazine I have learnt thatpantechnicons of free Manolos and Gucci clutch bags unload onfamous doorsteps every day. So they're sure to bring great stuff toswap. But with what? Looking through my few trophy purchases, itbecomes clear that nothing will do. Not my pink Jimmy Choos(mysteriously muddy) or my Prada bag (my only decent one).Fortunately the Times fashion department donates a pair ofneon-lime Gina stilettos and a funky fake leopard-skin purse. So Ican hold my own with the likes of Dannii Minogue, Fay Weldon, RubyWax and Lynda La Plante, Kathy Lette's eclectic gang of gal pals. Iarrive at her Hampstead home in flat shoes - terrifed by a bossye-mail not to wear heels and imperil her new wooden floors - tofind the house bursting with celebrity ladies and slightlyhysterical stylists. The atmosphere is exhausting: too many egos intoo small a space. Mrs Brown is still on her way. But Lynda LaPlante is wearing rollers in the garden, Ronni Ancona is beingmanicured and primped by three make-up artists, Penny Smith iseating the whole serving bowl of broccoli salad. June Sarpong isenjoying an amazing pistachio halva ice-cream, watched by Ruby Wax,who asks everyone: “Is it good? Is it amazing?” butrecoils when I suggest that she has a spoonful. “I have noself-control. I would eat the whole lot.”
I ask Kathy Lette what she plans to swap and, snapping intocharacter, she says: “My husband.” She'd like to tradethe QC Geoffrey Robertson for Penny Smith's bloke but actually sheis donating a strange Moschino bag shaped like a milk carton.
Penny Smith has brought several rings by the designer Dinny Hall“which only fitted me on the one day I bought them. Now myfingers have grown mysteriously fatter”, and some danglyearrings: “My neck isn't long enough to wear them. I keepwondering what's brushing against my shoulder.” June Sarponghas a lovely gold Egyptian-style bracelet and has her eye on theTimes fake-fur purse. I'm hoping that we can do business.
Out in the garden is Dannii Minogue. Tiny and Bambi-eyed, withglossy black hair, she resembles a depraved Disney princess. Shehas brought along a Louis Vuitton bag - one of many freebies thatclutter her Melbourne and London homes - and a pair of electricblue leather gloves.Did she and Kylie ever steal each other'sclothes? “Well, she goes for soft, muted colours, girlie, artdeco things. I'm more into bold, bright, full-on colours and I usedto be tomboy. But we used to fight over stuff - when we shared abedroom we put a line down the middle with Scotch tape.”
Ronni Ancona, who has just had her second baby and moved house andis therefore forgivably ditzy, has simply brought everything froman unpacked box marked “accessories”. A StellaMcCartney dress, a beaded belt, a black scarf, Jigsaw shoes ...“I'm worried it's too much,” she says in her baby-dollvoice. “I mean, it's half my stuff. I might try to sneak afew things back.”
Meanwhile Wax and La Plante are trading high-level celebritychit-chat. Ruby asks after Lynda's house in the Hamptons in themanner of one fishing for an invitation. Lynda has brought stacksof swaps including Yves St Laurent and Circa Joan & Davidshoes, and a designer handbag. Ruby, for reasons that she won'texplain, has brought nothing. When the photoshoot begins she isasked to hold a random pair of pink slingbacks.
Baroness Kennedy has just arrived from court. She is quite a funkydresser, with a Carrie Bradshaw-esque corsage and a pair of foxyred wedge shoes. Her swap is a pair of black, sequined Comme desGarçons plimsolls.
Fay Weldon, the novelist, has brought several scarves, since thatis what her family buy her for every birthday and Christmas. Eventhough she never wears scarves. “I've never learnt to tieone. I do like looking in my scarf drawer, however - they arebeautiful.” I suggest that she drapes a few over furniture,but she protests that they would get covered in dog hairs. “Iam not good at self-adornment,” she sighs, describing herfavourite silver necklace of three entwined figures. “Onlyrecently did I realise they were all having sex. In a threesome. Ihaven't worn it since.”
At that moment, Sarah Brown arrives. Accompanied by a huge andterrifying woman minder, she is dressed too heavily for the warmweather, in thick tights and a navy woollen cardigan. As she hasnever given an interview, she looks watchfully at my notebook andwinces every time I write. Her thick auburn hair is alreadyblow-dried, so she can avoid the fussings of the half-dozenstylists. Her minder takes the make-up artist aside and asks hernot to spray products near Sarah as they are damaging to theBrowns' younger son, Fraser, who has cystic fibrosis.
Over her years as political consort she seems to have gainedconfidence, overcome the natural reserve that could at times makeher seem cool, even frosty. And lately she has taken herself out ofpurdah attending book launches for Penny Smith and Celia Walden,whose boyfriend Piers Morgan, Sarah counts as a loyal friend. Thoseclose to her say that she can find political life and DowningStreet claustrophobic. And the No 10 flat, although bigger thanCherie made out in her memoirs, is confining and stuffy as windowscannot be opened for security reasons. Little wonder Sarah isbreaking out alone this summer, braving the cameras and having fun.Today her calm, unhurried manner dampens down the craziness, as thecelebs who won't listen or shut up, are herded into position andattacked with last-minute lip wands. When asked by the photographerto ham it up, to pretend to fight with Kathy Lette over a shoe,Sarah plays along, but her shrewd feline eyes hold a look of ironyand bemusement that say: “OK, if this is really what you want. . .”Besides the Stella McCartney heels she has broughtalong a couple of handbags - a mustard canvas-and-leather number bythe mid-priced designer Etienne Aigner and a cream, patent Marks& Spencer tote. The choice seems to sum up the essentialBritish first lady dilemma. Unlike her French or US counterparts,who are expected to wear the best, our Prime Minister's wife mustnot appear too grand, yet not look a fright. But even when steeringa middle course, she can't win. When Sarah Brown chose to wear a£300 Jaeger jacket to meet Carla Bruni, who was dripping inDior, she was castigated as boring and safe.
She says of the M&S bag: “I bought it for our trip toIndia but I didn't use it because, as usual, you end up notcarrying anything.” So has the need to attend formalfunctions meant her acquiring a lot of accessories (Cherie Blairtold me that she left No 10 owning 15 hats)? “Yes, quite alot.” Do designers send her things to wear? “Well, wedon't accept them,” she says briskly, “otherwise we'dhave to declare them as gifts.”
How did she deal with the unenviable prospect of dressing to meetCarla Bruni? “Well, I didn't stand a chance, did I?”she says with a shrug and a smile. “I mean, I was standingnext to a supermodel. I thought that whatever I wore didn't matter.With all due respect to myself, I knew that day I couldn't win. Butanyway, it was for a brilliant cause [the White Ribbon Alliance,which campaigns for safer childbirth in the developingworld].”
How does she feel about being perpetually judged on her clothes?“I try not to worry about it. I like fashionable clothes andI try to wear British designers as much as possible, but I try notto take too much notice. How can I?”
At this point the bunfight begins as the celeb accessories areheaped into a pile and there is a genuine scramble. June Sarpongtakes the Times purse and I try to move in for her bangle. But no,here comes Grabbii Minogue, who shoves it on her wrist. “Icollect them!” she declares, then moves in on Ronni's StellaMcCartney dress, which hangs off her fairy frame like a shroud.
Sarah Brown tries on - then rejects - the Times green Ginas. As thedust clears, Kathy has a Fay Weldon scarf, Lynda takes Dannii'sblue gloves. Ruby gets Baroness Kennedy's sparkly pumps. And Fayacquires another scarf, a gold diaphanous one that Ronni uses whenimpersonating Liz Hurley: “I do her in a bikini, but becauseI lack her figure I cover up with this.”
Sarah Brown takes Penny's Dinny Hall rings, which gives Ms Smithleverage against Ronni over Sarah's Stella McCartney shoes. Ancona,who has given most yet received nothing, is miffed: “Penny isusing the ‘I've known Sarah for 20 years' card,” shesays. A deal is brokered - “I'm taking them, but Ronni getsvisitation rights” - as their original owner and her minderdepart in the official car.