Favourite activities of mine include watching the turntable revolving

Tag : rolled bronze
Last week I had the chance to spend a single night in one of theworlds top hotels. The list of available pleasures would have keptJames Bond himself busy: health clubs, water skiing, even thechance to test-drive the latest Alfa Romeo. So how did I spend mytime?

In fact I spent much of it lying on the bed in my room with aremote control in my hand making the automatic venetian blinds goup and down. It was only after glancing at my watch that I realisedId spent nearly an hour employed in this pointless activity. Andin truth Id been extremely happy.
A survey I saw reported last week has revealed that the averagemale spends nearly three hours a day wasting time faffing about,the delicious term used to describe the process of filling up yourtime with fruitless tasks instead of doing what we intended.

Speaking as a champion faffer, I can only express surprise that theestimated figure is so low. People are obviously not putting theirbacks into it.
Favourite activities of mine include watching the turntablerevolving in our microwave cooker, mindlessly drumming my fingersin tune to whatever tune is playing on the radio, and jiggling myleg up and down while trying to lob rolled up sweet wrappers intomy office waste-paper basket. If there were a discipline at theBeijing Olympics for drawing pictures of three-dimensional boxes onsteamed up car windows, I reckon Id be a bronze medal prospect atthe very least.
Quite apart from the usual faffing I share with my fellow men, suchas searching for car keys, rummaging down the backs of sofas in thehope of locating lost coins, or inspecting my nostrils for strayhairs, some of my own skills have become quite sophisticated.

Recently, while searching for my passport, I activated the remotecontrol on our television set and found myself watching a doubleepisode of a popular game show in which contestants have to try andguess which one of identical wooden boxes arranged on the desk infront of them might contain thousands of dollars.
Faffing may be accused of ruining the nations economic output, butafternoon quiz programmes are living testimony to the fact that thetheres good money to be made out of the endless repetition of somemeaningless activity.

In fact theres no situation I cant turn to advantage. Give mesome paper and a pen, and instead of writing my next book orattempting to wrest control of my spiralling household expenses,Ill spend hours writing the phrase Hello said Jim in endlesscolumns.
If you discovered me mid-sentence youd think my wife had given mea hundred lines for not doing the washing up; but no, I find thisapparently footling activity aids the clarity of my thoughtprocesses. At least, thats my story and Im sticking to it.

Nowadays the internet has taken faffing to a new height. There iseven a new piece of computer jargon for it  WILFing or What wasI looking for: browsing the web and becoming entirely distracted.Among topics Ive found myself researching for no apparent reasonhave been: how much would it cost to purchase one of ElvisPresleys glittery show suits; how many worms are there in theworld, and what are the most productive streets to acquire on aMonopoly board. I last actually played that game when I was 11.
Apparently, economists are worried that all this wasted time willonly inhibit our attempt to deal with the burgeoning globaleconomic recession. If we all spent two-and-a-half hours a daylearning something new, wed all benefit hugely, said one of theexperts quoted in the report. He may be right, but he is also indanger of missing out on one of the great pleasures in life. Thereare better things you can do with any loose change in your trouserpocket than investing it: jingling it while staring out of thewindow for instance.
Of course, the fairer sex has always had a head start when it comesto faffing. Why invent new ways of wasting hours at a time whenmerely hunting through your handbag for the thing you just poppedinto it a couple of minutes ago still works so well?

Having lots of zippered compartments seems to be the key to thisparticular diversion. My wife currently has six separate pockets onher current model bag: it may have cost me a fair bit to purchasebut it keeps her occupied for hours, and our phone bills havehalved as a result.
In any case, the hours spent enjoying yourself are never wasted. AsWoody Allen once acutely observed: Time is just natures way ofpreventing everything from happening at once&



Michael Simkins is an actor and author