Keep Your Kids Safe on MySpace

Tag : Tool For Children

As the parent of a teen, I'm coming to the slow and somewhatunpleasant realization that I may have misjudged MySpace . I'm not saying that I have any higher opinion of thesocial-networking environment than before, but I'm not so sure it'sgoing anywhere anytime soon. How could something that's so perfecta reflection of the teenage psyche ever disappear?
The teen mind, as best as I can discern from the teens I know (andvague recollections of my own teenage years), is an ever-shiftingmiasma of emotion, pain, euphoria, sexual interest, and ameasurement of one's social status. That's also a pitch-perfectdescription of most MySpace pages. They're confused, muddled, andurgent. If you could shake the contents of a teenage mind out ontoa page, I imagine that these pages are exactly what you'd find.
Thing is, some of the pages aren't built by teens. They're builtand maintained by predators (ah, but you knew this already), andquite a few were built and are now maintained by parents (this,perhaps, you didn't know). What are parents doing on MySpace? Well,some are there for legitimate reasons, and others—well, thereasons seem murkier.
In one widely publicized case, a teenage girl committed suicide after a friendship she'd developed on MySpace turned sour. Shethought she was communicating with a teenage boy, but the messagesshe was reading were, allegedly, being written by the parents of aformer friend. People lying online—and especially onMySpace—is nothing new, and this isn't the first time I'veheard of parents going online as their children to "protect them"or settle a score. But it does put a new twist on all the time-wornadvice I often give for protecting our children online. Let's gothrough my basic rules for MySpace (and other social-networkingsites):
Don't Assume You Know: I regularly talk to parents who believe that their children aren'tonline when they're not around. Typically, they're wrong. One ofthe best ways to find out what your kid is doing online is to talkto the parents of your kid's best friend. You'll likely discoverthat, say, your daughter is not only on MySpace but has multipleprofiles. It's not uncommon for teens to create one profile thatreflects more or less who they really are and another that's a moreextreme version of themselves.
Don't Assume They Don't Know: If you haven't visited MySpace, Facebook , Bebo, Friendster, or any other social-networking site and younever talk about them with your kids, do not assume that your childis unaware of their existence. Young children, who are typicallymore open about their online desires ("Please, Mommy, can I go onClub Penguin?") are maturing into teens with social-networkinghardwired into their psyches. They already know exactly where to goand what to do.
They're Smarter than You: While you're still struggling to figure out how to transfer yourphotos from your digital camera to your PC, your teenage sons anddaughters are doing some expert Photoshop work to make themselveslook just a bit tougher, cooler, sexier than they do in person. Andthey're posting these images on their MySpace pages (one14-year-old girl I read about was posting lingerie shots—andher parents had no idea). More likely, however, they know how tocopy and paste photos from other sites into their own profiles. Doyou know how to do this? Probably not.
They Won't Always Tell the Truth: When you're sitting at the dinner table discussing the tragedy ofthe MySpace teen who committed suicide, or the local kid that gotcaught posting illegal songs, or the kid that was using his profileto taunt and intimidate other kids in school, don't expect Juniorto talk openly about his online activities. In fact, if you ask himabout it, he may simply tell you he doesn't have a profile.
Discouraging, I know, but these are the harsh realities of ouronline generation gap. You can do a few things to improve thesituation:
Move the PC to a Central Location: I say this all the time, though I know that most parents let theirteens have PCs and Internet connections in their bedrooms and thenlet them close the door and spend hours online alone. This is amistake. Teens under 18 should not be online away from the watchfuleyes of their parents. You don't have to stand over your kid'sshoulder. Just having you in the vicinity will discourage a worldof shenanigans.
Install Parental-Control Software: We've reviewed some pretty intense apps here at PCMag.com. Safe Eyes and Net Nanny both do an excellent job of controlling Internet access andreporting on social-networking activities. They'll even tell youwhen someone on your network has shared personal information (fullname, address, and so on). If you do use this stuff, however,please tell your kids in advance. A big part of the success of anyof these tactics is trust. Your children will likely argue that"trusting" them means you should let them go online alone andwithout parental interference. Explain to them that you do trustthem, and that it's everyone else out there who may not be astrustworthy. Tell them that you would no sooner let them go onlinewithout protection than you would allow them to walk alone at nightin the worst part of town.
Be Yourself: If you want to get involved with your teen's online activities, goahead and create your own MySpace, Facebook, Bebo, YouTube, andeven Twitter accounts. Set a good example, and don't lie about whoyou are online. Being out there, involved, and aware of what'sgoing on in these environments will make it much easier for you toengage with your always-online teen.
Judging by conversations I've been having, most seeminglyintelligent parents are not doing any of these things. Theless-intelligent ones—those who, say, drive around withouttheir seatbelts on—are locks for not knowing the first thingabout protecting their kids and themselves online.
The Internet is a wonderful tool, but in some situations it seemsto magnify our frailties. We have to harden ourselves a bit if wewant our children to enjoy the fruits of online access withouteverything else turning rotten.
Get on Lance Ulanoff's RSS Feed.