The Schwarzenegger Action Icons Collection

Tag : Pork Collar

Or Arnold Swipe-me-knickers as well called him in our youth.Admittedly, we did so in the knowledge that, in a small village inthe Northern Irish countryside, we were probably safe from him.Then again, distance seemed to be no obstacle to a man who hadcrossed through time in The Terminator , fought Thulsa Doom and, when but a bodybuilder, had made it toBelfast to lift two young ladies from the typing pool at theBelfast Telegraph onto his broad shoulders so we probably lookedover our shoulders more than was entirely necessary. And that wasin a time when there were daily killings by terrorists on bothsides of the political divide. Those groups didn't bother usgreatly but a man who had once punched a camel out cold wassomething altogether more worrying.

No matter that this viewer liked Sylvester Stallone a good dealmore than Schwarzenegger, there was still much to like about theAustrian Oak. That's got a lot to do with the fact that wheneveryone else was deserting fantasy films as though the genre wasfound rubbing itself in an intimate place when in the company ofchildren, Schwarzenegger kept himself in there with Conan The Barbarian , Conan The Destroyer and Red Sonja . Were there ever a boxset of those three films, I'd be there withsuch speed as to suggest that fifty-pound-notes and nude picturesof Heather Thomas were tucked up inside them. Frankly, I'd only bemore excited if there was a Complete Beastmaster Boxset , for which I would happily stand outside the play.com distributioncentre wearing nothing but a loin cloth and with no one but twoferrets for company.

Conan The Barbarian remains Schwarzenegger's best film, with John Milius being theonly director that the actor's had who understand that there ismore to the man than simply muscles and a silly accent. The scenein the orgy as well as showing Arnold's handiness with a sword,also reveals how delicately he could move. Far too often, though,he's been cast as simply muscle-power in films thereafter with hisaccent deliberately mangling one-liners that wouldn't have been outof place in a Moore-era Bond film. Unfortunately, the Conan filmsaren't included in this boxset but Red Sonja is, the only nod to fantasy in a set devoted to a man who once didmuch for the genre. However, Red Sonja is still a good deal of fun, far more than is suggested by itbobbing about with the rest of the flotsam of the movie business,along with which it's largely forgotten about. However, if, likeme, you have one (or all) of Krull , Hawk The Slayer or Eragon in your collection, chances are that Red Sonja will also find a place.

Still, though, it's a very minor entry in the Schwarzenegger canon,mostly due to the actor being cast only in a supporting role toBrigitte Nielsen. Actually, in terms of what Schwarzeneggercontributes to the film, he's playing fourth or fifth fiddle behindnot only Nielsen but also his old Conan The Barbarian sparring partner Sandahl Bergman while both Paul L Smith and ErnieReyes are more memorable. Arnold doesn't try very hard in a filmthat has him cast as Lord Kalidor, who rides through a desolateland only to find Brigitte Nielsen as Sonja, a woman whose familywere murdered by the evil Queen Gedren (Bergman), whose body wasviolated by the soldiers of Queen Gedren and whose desire forbloody vengeance is fired by...well, you get the picture. Kalidorarrives as Gedren's troops attack and overrun a cult of womenpriestesses guarding a mysterious artifact known only as theTalisman. The last survivor of this cult is Varna who escapes butis fatally wounded by Gedren's soldiers. With her dying breath,though, she falls into the arms of Lord Kalidor and asks that heseek the help of her sister Red Sonja .

Sonja, meanwhile, is training in the arts of war but on hearingthat the Talisman has been taken by Gedren, who is responsible forthe death of yet another member of her family, Sonja completes hertraining and leaves to take her revenge. Aided by Kalidor andFalkon (Paul L Smith) but often hindered by the antics of thebrattish Prince Tarn (Ernie Reyes jr), Sonja travels to Berkubane,Gedren's Kingdom of Eternal Night before the evil queen can use theTalisman. Although, frankly, one wonders if it is the Talisman thathas caught Gedren's heart or Sonja. Clearly demonstrating that thegobbledygook kingdoms of fantasy-land have little time forsapphism, no one ever seems to be done telling Sonja that she woulddo better if she liked men a little more. Kalidor, knowing well theway to Sonja's heart, eventually challenges her to a swordfight.Neither one is able to defeat the other and so put away theirswords. Schwarzenegger, though, merely swaps his steel one infavour of, it is implied, his pork one. But the sight ofSchwarzenegger and Nielsen together is an uneasy one, as thoughwondering if two people of such bulk might actually injure oneanother when locked in an embrace.

Still, it's a reasonably well-made film with the producers makinggood use of the Italian locations to give the film much more of asense of grandeur than Conan The Destroyer had. A bridge made from the skeleton of a dinosaur and a giantstatue that overlooks Sonja's training ground both add to themystery of the place. Gedren's castle sits atop a mountain while,within its walls, there is a beautiful room lit by hundreds ofcandles. Doubtless some poor Italian students on work experiencewere made to light each of those candles but their efforts weren'tin vain. It looks great. However, the rubbery spider that sits atGedren's feet in her throne room, the clockwork monster thatattacks Sonja in the water and the vials of potions that Gedren'smagician potters with all give one that feeling that someone hadtheir tongue (and another's) firmly in their cheek when designingthe film. One might even say it was for children but the blood,guts, beheading and naked dancing woman all suggest otherwise. Apity, really, as though Conan The Barbarian is one of the very best fantasy movies due to its very adultnature, Red Sonja would have worked better had it, like Krull , been made for a family audience. Perhaps a family that befits itsrelationship between Sonja and Gedren, with two women and only aman like Lord Kalidor ambling along in the background, but a familynonetheless.

Equally unsuitable for children is Total Recall , a sci-fi movie from 1990 that, though frequently cartoonish, isalso funny, fast-paced and ferociously violent but like other filmsbased on the stories of Philip K Dick, is open to more than oneinterpretation. In the case of Total Recall , it is the series of events that occur around Douglas Quaid(Schwarzenegger). Quaid is a blue-collar worker on a building sitein a city of the future but dreams of a life on Mars. His wife,Lori (Sharon Stone), and friend Harry (Robert Costanzo) eye himsuspiciously every time that he mentions the red planet, the formerwhen he talks about moving there and the latter when he wonders ifhe should visit Rekall, a company that implants memories.

That afternoon, Quaid does indeed visit Rekall and pays his moneyto enjoy a two-week vacation on Mars. The salesman, though, adds toQuaid's pleasure by promising to add in a new feature from Rekall'sbrochures...a holiday where Quaid leaves himself at home! Before hetakes his place in the Rekall machine, he opts to play the part ofa secret agent investigating a conspiracy surrounding Martianrelics. But something goes wrong in the procedure. It seems thatRekall have unlocked memories that someone had sought to keepburied. And Quaid wakes up claiming not to be Quaid at all but anagent called Hauser. Soon, Harry, his wife and dozens of others areall trying to kill Quaid, who later finds himself in an abandonedcement factory with a wet towel on his head picking a bug out ofhis nose. And Quaid/Hauser is on his way to Mars to meet with therevolutionaries there. But nothing is as it first seems.

On the commentary that accompanies the film, Paul Verhoeven andArnold Schwarzenegger disagree on whether the entire film takesplace entirely in Quaid's mind, occurring wholly in Quaid's mind ashe lies on a bed in Rekall, or is really a thriller in which Quaiddoes indeed travel to Mars to solve a conspiracy over Martianartifacts. On the commentary, Verhoeven takes the view that Total Recall portrays the former and points out how the film supports hisargument while Schwarzenegger does the same but from the opposingpoint of view. However, at no point is it suggested that there isone definitive answer. Unlike another adaptation of a Philip K Dickstory, there is no Director's Cut to explain things fully. Instead,Verhoeven keeps things open-ended. Twists fold in on twists, redherrings are followed by yet more red herrings and should you eversuspect that you have the film sussed, it's likely that Verhoevenwill quickly pull the film away from you again. Even as it ends,there's still no way of knowing if an unseen coda cuts back,Brazil-like, to a Schwarzenegger lying in Rekall staring off intothe distance, his mind still on Mars and in an embrace with Melina.

Inasmuch, though, as there are two ways to look at the film, what'smuch more important is how fantastically violent a movie it is. I'mnot sure if it's quite so easy to break someone's neck as it isimplied here, done by simply stamping down on their neck at thesame time as you pull their right arm upwards, but the crunch isfairly convincing. However, that early bit of body horror paleswhen viewed alongside the literally eye-popping action whenCohaagen, Hauser and Melina all find themselves outside of thedomes in an atmosphere without oxygen. Bloody squibs explodeeverywhere while Schwarzenegger's slight strike at one ofCohaagen's goons leaves him with almost his entire face caving in.Blood splatters the scenery. Even the sight of Schwarzeneggerpulling a bug out through his nose makes one wince while he usesalmost everything that comes to hand as a weapon including a coupleof six-inch screws in his second time in a Rekall machine. Andthere's comedy in this, particularly his, "Scroooooo youuuuuuuuu!"as he wields an enormous drill to put an end to Benny's ride in thetunnels.

But perhaps the most inspired part of the film is the casting ofMichael Ironside as Richter, thus taking an already violent film tosomewhere between a sci-fi thriller and out-and-out horror. Notonly is Ironside as thoroughly nasty as he's ever been but he'sclearly having a great time, whether it's just shooting people orshowing off a fantastic grin every time he sees Schwarzenegger inhis sights. I don't know, however, if Total Recall is that great a film. It's certainly capable of presenting a verycomplete world but, at the same time, some of its special effectsare on a par with Nookie Bear for realism. Indeed, a talking bearthat can roll its eyes would be very much better than some of themutants in Total Recall . It is a film, though, that would feel just as much at home in thepages of Fangoria as it would in the pages of Empire and yet itgets very much closer to horror than do many horror films thesedays. It makes this viewer miss the days before studios realisedthat you could make much more money by ensuring a film is rated, atthe most, a 15. With his latest Rambo film, Sylvester Stalloneseems to have realised that perhaps not the tide but at least awave or two is turning back in favour of those who want shockingand bloody thrills in their films. Back in the days of Total Recall , Schwarzenegger was of a similar mind. Things have changed.Schwarzenegger has changed. But Total Recall remains the same. Not the best of Schwarzenegger's films butbloody and bloody good fun.

The next film in the set is Walter Hill's Red Heat and you can quickly tell that it's been authentically filmed in apre-Glasnost Moscow both by the statues of Lenin and Marx but byalmost a complete absence of motor cars. And those that there areseem to be that particularly boxy and technologically backwardskind of car that everyone east of the Berlin wall drove beforeDavid Hasselhoff brought it down. You know the kind...rather thanpetrol, it looks for all the world as though it is coal-powered,that it's upholstered with Hessian sacks and that instead of ahandbrake, it comes with four small stones to place in front of orbehind each wheel to keep the car stationery whilst parked.

The action quickly moves out of Moscow in the direction of Chicagobut not before Schwarzenegger spends a few minutes in a bathhousein which men, including Schwarzenegger, lift weights while wearingnothing other than thongs. Quite how the tiny little towels thatprotect their modesty remain in place with the dozen or so nakedwomen who are bathing themselves in a hot pool isn't explained in Red Heat but the film doesn't hang around to find out. Very quickly,Schwarzenegger crashes through a window into the snow and, with aseries of punches that sound like cows being blown up, interrogatesa suspect as to the whereabouts of Viktor Rosta (Ed O'Ross), aGeorgian drug dealer and crime lord. The information gained leadsSchwarzenegger and his partner to ambush Rosta but it backfires.Rosta escapes both from the raid and from Russia while his partneris fatally injured from a volley of shots fired by Rosta.

Unexpectedly, Rosta shows up in Chicago and is arrested afterrunning a red light. Holed up in prison, the Chicago PD alert theirMoscow equivalent via teleprinter. To bring Rosta home, the MoscowMilitia send Danko (Schwarzenegger) to Chicago to personally bringRosta home. His only contact in the city is cop Arthur Ridzic(James Belushi), who is relieved to only be spending minutes in thecompany of the Russian. However, if the handover went well, thiswould be a very short film. Instead, things go very badly indeedwith Ridzic's partner shot, Rosta escaping once again and Dankoconcussed and in hospital with only Rosta's key as a means offinding his man. Only thing is that everybody else, including theChicago PD, drug dealers and gang leaders, want to find Danko and,more importantly, his money. Danko, though, is prepared to stop atnothing to bring his man home.

And, of course, he will bring his man in by the end of the film, nomatter that it may, outlaw-style, be either dead or alive so it'seasy to overlook any lack of suspense as regards Danko'scrime-busting sojourn in the US. On the other hand, there's somecomedy to be had in the prickly relationship between Schwarzeneggerand Belushi and while the film often falls into revealing theparticular eccentricities of both the US and Russia, such as thecomparison between the Chicago police captain's stress-busting useto music, fish and plants to Danko's preferred vodka, there's stillthe occasional laugh to be had. However, in as much as it's oftenjust fairly funny, it's only ever a fairly exciting thriller

The final film in the set is Raw Deal , a, to this viewer's eyes, minor film in the Schwarzenegger canon.To be fair to the movie, that's really only because I'd neveractually seen nor heard of it but given that my film knowledge isvery much less than encyclopedic, that's no guarantee of quality orlack thereof. In this film, Schwarzenegger plays a small-town copworking in exile from the FBI but clearly not enjoying it. Neitheris his wife, who drinks whiskey cocktails during the day and bakesa chocolate cake with the word SHIT written in icing on it. Itdoesn't look particularly appetising but that's something that thefog of mid-afternoon alcohol doesn't disguise as she picks it upand flings it in Schwarzenegger's direction.

Seeing this as something that might threaten their relationship,Schwarzenegger visits a marriage counsellor, who not only seems towork for the FBI but, perhaps as a means to save his marriage,advises Schwarzenegger to fake his own death, go deep cover with anew identity and take down several members of the biggest mafiafamily in the country. Anyone else might a holiday or perhaps apair of pink fur handcuffs and a jar of chocolate body paint butnot so here. Soon, Schwarzenegger is hanging around in casinos,picking fights with low-ranking mafia goons and working his wayinto the Patrovita family. But some are suspicious of him, notleast Max Keller (Robert Davi), who turns up a photograph ofSchwarzenegger as a cop. His deep cover has suddenly become a gooddeal more shallow.

The best that it can be said about Raw Deal is that it's not very unlike a Steven Seagal movie. Now, to bemore than fair to Seagal, he's actually made some fairlyentertaining films but far too many in which he's played a copgoing deep cover to bring down a crime gang. And, of them, there'smore than one could ever want in which he, a fat man in a blackleather jacket, hangs out with minor league rap stars taking a turnat the acting business. The worst that can be said about Raw Deal is that it's not even like a particularly good Seagal film, moreone of those direct-to-video movies that feels like an extendedepisode of Miami Vice. And 'extended' is the right word as oneactually hopes that the various lieutenants and generals in themafia family see through Schwarzenegger's deep cover and send himto the bottom of the dockside waters in a pair of concrete boots.What's surprising is that it takes Keller as long as he does tofigure things out as Schwarzenegger's first mistake is to tell themafia figures, "Look...I'm not a cop!" Nothing gives away anundercover cop like them telling everyone they're not a cop but itstill takes Keller, his photograph and his driving everybody towatch as Schwarzenegger walks the beat swinging a nightstick forthem to realise this. With that cake being the only moment in thefilm that one could really describe as being surprising, everythingcomes to a very predictable end. With a lot of shooting, obviously.

The problem with Raw Deal isn't that it's a particularly bad film. It's not great by anymeans and is, to be honest, a bit dull compared to the three filmsthat accompany it in this boxset but the bigger problem is thatit's such a mixed bag of movies that neither it, nor Red Sonja , Total Recall and Red Heat , really feel at home. Had Red Sonja accompanied the two Conan films in a three-movie set, therewouldn't have been a problem with it. Total Recall would have bedded in nicely in a two-for-one box with StarshipTroopers while Red Heat is much closer to any of Walter Hill's other films than any ofSchwarzenegger's. Raw Deal , on the other hand, belongs in a midweek slot on Five. Wrapping upthis very long review, there's something in here for everyone.Unfortunately, it's not a set that anyone could be completely happywith. Me, I'm here for Red Sonja and, to a lesser degree, Total Recall but others may be more fond of Red Heat or Raw Deal . There's less sense in putting these four films together but let'snot confuse Optimum's release of this set for art, more thatcommerce has judged that there may be some value in the Schwarzenegger Collection . And fair play to them but, next time, something at leastresembling a theme would be better.


Transfer

One suspects that Optimum haven't done very much in preparing thesefilms for release on DVD. On the contrary, it's likely that theywere picked up in a job lot of movies and, by them lookingreasonable enough to release without any tinkering, were quicklytransferred onto disc and, from there, to the stores. Of the four, Red Sonja looks the best, largely from it actually looking quite epic inscale and arriving on a DVD that is sharp, clean and with what oneimagines is just the right colour palette. Theanamorphically-presented 2.35:1 image certainly helps, particularlyso after fullscreen showings for as long as this viewer canremember, but there's an obvious clarity to the picture that makesit stand out from the others in this set. I'd even be tempted tosay that it looks a good deal better than the film deserves.

Total Recall doesn't look quite as good. To be honest, I can't remember any DVDor television broadcast ever looking any different. It's always hada bit of a Fisher Price chunkiness to it but the colours look to betoo strong on this release and while there's grain in the picture,there's also a noticeable amount of noise. Also, if you slow thepicture down and step through a scene frame by frame, there is someprint damage. Raw Deal , while not looking at all bad, has more of a problem in that it'sjust fairly uninteresting to look at. Arnold doesn't quite cut itas a mobster nor as a cop and the film has very little ambition.Albeit that it's anamorphically presented in 1.85:1, the picture issimply no great shakes, with neither the film nor the DVDpresentation looking any better than a television show of the timehandled merely competently on the way to DVD.

Red Heat is probably the biggest disappointment in the set. Walter Hill cancertainly shoot a film and The Warriors is a very fine looking DVD.Streets Of Fire is hampered by being fullscreen and really ought tolook a lot better but Red Heat is so soft as to be often blurred while there's also copiousamounts of noise in the image. Far too often, it looks washed out,there's next to no detail in some of the more frantic scenes,particularly in the film's ending, and while it's not stockfootage, the quality of the scenes shot in Russia suggests that itmight be.

On to the audio tracks and while none of them stand out, they alldo at least a competent job of carrying the action. Red Sonja arrives with a DD2.0, as does Raw Deal and Red Heat while Total Recall comes with both DD2.0 and DD5.1 tracks. There's not a great dealto write about any of them. Of the first three, the dialogue is atleast always clear, the action has a fair thump to it -particularly the fisticuffs in Red Heat , which has the kind of crunch and wallop one would associate morewith motorway carnage - and while there's some background noise,there's not quite enough to annoy. The DD5.1 audio track on Total Recall is one that I could live without. It does bring the action outfrom the screen but many of its effects sound cheap and there's aninsufficient amount of use of the subwoofer to really impress.Finally, none of these films are subtitled.


Extras

Extras-wise, this set offers only slim pickings. Red Sonja has nothing but a couple of Theatrical Trailers (4m14s) , one for Red Sonja and another for a film titled Kalidor , which seems to be a rebranding of Red Sonja for parts of the world that have no truck with the idea of a womanas the leading actor in a movie. The west of Ireland, perhaps. Raw Deal is no better with it only including a Trailer (1m45s) .

Total Recall comes off that little bit better. The commentary with Verhoevenand Schwarzenegger that was recorded for the old Special Editionalso making it onto this DVD, which is probably the best bonusfeature on the disc. What's particularly good is how well Verhoevenand Schwarzenegger get on. The two are clearly good friends andwhile they disagree completely on the subtext of the film, they doso amiably and with good humour. While I find myself saying thisless and less frequently, this track is definitely worth listeningto, preferably with a sufficient knowledge of the film toappreciate the particular twists and turns in the plot and how theydisagree on their meaning. Elsewhere, there are a number offeatures, including a Making of Total Recall (8m06s) and the factual Vision of Mars (5m29s) . Both of these are very short but Imagining Total Recall (30m15s) is a much more substantial feature, going into the original Dickstory and on to the production. In this, Paul Verhoeven is thechoice of the contributors but Ron Shusett, a screenwriter on thisas well as on Alien , does a fine job of explaining the background to the film and, ofcourse, Schwarzenegger cuts straight to the heart of the matter.Elsewhere on the disc, there are Storyboard Comparisons (7m08s) , a Trailer (2m12s) and TV Spots (3m10s) .

Red Heat has a fair selection of extras as well, offering the viewer I’m Not Russian (5m05s) , Stuntman For All Seasons (12m18s) and East Meets West (9m31s) as well as a Trailer (2m08s). Stuntman For All Seasons actually serves as a tribute to Bennie Dobbins, a stuntman whoserved on Commando and who was Second Unit Director on Red Heat while East Meets West is a short history of the Carolco filmcompany and while it's not particularly informative, as one who hasfond memories of the likes of First Blood , John Carpenter's Prince of Darkness , The Doors and Cliffhanger , this viewer didn't mind it at all. I'm Not Russian features an interview with the actor Ed O'Ross who played Viktorin the film.