Gardening is dirty work, here\'s how to come clean

Tag : Purifying Oil

By Barbara Mahany
Chicago Tribune
CHICAGO| It is, depending on how you pluck your pansies, thegardener's affliction. Or, a grimy, loamy, packed-under-the-nails,black badge of honor.
Come on, 'fess up. Don't play dumb here. You know what we'retalking about. Whether you're the sort who dumps one lonely tub ofpetunias into the dirt and calls it a day. Or, if, perhaps, youcan't keep your paws out of the mud pile.
If, every time you head out the back, maybe to haul out the trash,maybe to check on the stars, you see one little something there inyour beds, might be a weed, or a lopsided delphinium. Some littlesomething that needs some urgent attention. And next thing youknow, you're up to your knees and your elbows in mud.
Only here's where the rub comes: Say you're due at the dentist. Yourun from the garden to ol' Dr. Toothache. There you are, allscootched in that clean little chair, ready to sling wide your jaw.And that's when you notice.
You look down at your tootsies. Ooops.
You glance at your elbows. Egad, splotches all over. Then, yousurvey your wrists. It's more of the same. Looks like some littlekid with a muddy-wheeled truck borrowed the flesh of your arms asthe highway. You are streaked, up and down. You are a sloppy ol'mess.
You, with your hands and your toes in the dirt, you are caughtblack-handed.
Admit it, it's happened to you. Might be, it's just the way of yourworld, come April through, hmm, early November.
Unless you've got a spiffy trick up your sleeve, you, deargardener, belong to the grimy brigade.
It's a corps, for the most part, who know how to laugh at theirfoe-paws, their digits that up and deceive them. Give them away forthe dirt-diggin' gardeners they are.
Take Melissa Nelson, a kindergarten teacher in Wilmette, Ill., whocannot stay out of the mud pile. ``I have mistakenly marched off tokindergarten with my plastic yellow garden clogs on,'' she says.``I have run to parent-teacher conferences with cuticles all aglowwith mud. I have shopped for groceries smelling like dried blood(the kind you douse from a bag) and organic compost. Worst wasshowing up to (a political) fundraiser with new beautiful open-toesandals, only to have my mud-cakes pedicure shouting out to fellowDemocrats _ who, by the way, didn't even notice.''
Or there's Marguerite Gluck, whose Chicagogarden-design-and-installation business, Marguerite Gardens, keepsher in the dirt pretty much through the whole digging season.
``While pushing my grocery cart in the supermarket, I find myselfwondering why people are staring and sometimes kind of cringingaway from me until I catch my reflection. Leaves in my hair, kneescovered with dirt, filthy hands, Frankenstein-like shoes withinches of mud caked onto the bottoms and then there's that smell ofmanure. I feel so normal in this guise,'' she says. ``It'sdisturbing if I really think about it.
``When I'm required to dress up for a wedding or party I findmyself wishing that the old-fashioned tradition of wearing gloveswas still in vogue. Then I could hide my hands. Manicurists runfrom me.
``P.S., one more image,'' Gluck adds, then spells it out, clipped,straight to the point: ``A team of four gardeners just minutes awayfrom finishing up an installation. The heavens open. Buckets ofrain descend. We look at each other and say, 'Let's just finish. Wecan do this.' A half-hour later those same gardeners are huddled ina booth at Popeye's, trying to get warm and wolfing down comfortfood. As we get up to leave, we look down and see that we have leftan enormous disgusting puddle under the table. The manager glares.We say we are sorry and depart.''
Ah, but lastly, let us consider the calloused, dirt-stained handsof Henry Brockman, an organic farmer in downstate Congerville,Ill,. who peddles the fruits of his labors every Saturday at theEvanston (Ill.) Farmers Market.
Cradling a bunch of green garlic in hands the color of soot, theswirls of his fingerpads indelibly inked, Brockman defends hisdigits: ``I don't even think of them as dirty. I don't know whatthey are, but they're not dirty.''
Then, curling his fingers into a Draculaean pose, daring totrespass that invisible line called ``personal space,'' he reachestoward his inquisitor, and asks: ``I mean, you wouldn't mind beingtouched by that, would ya?''
Uh, so sorry, Henry. Don't mind if I duck from your dirt. I meanthe, er, fertile loam of the heartland, deeply caressing yourpores.
After all, what's dirt in the parlor is pure pride out where thesun shines, the fields and the beds of our mud-sloppin' dreams. THE DIRT ON CLEANING UP DIRTY GARDENERS You say your mitts are a mess. You say your toes want to curl upand hide. They've had it with the dirt you rake them through, thebits of grime that get stuck in those odd little places, in betweentootsies, under your nail beds. Heck, so deep in the creases youlook like a road map.
Well, here we come to their rescue, those dear little digits inutter distress.
We scrounged hither and yon, tapped all sorts of bent-over folks ontheir shoulders (they were wrist-deep in dirt at the time, so webegged for their mercy before spewing our rat-a-tat questions). Weasked high and low, how is it you leave dirt behind?
What we found, dirty people, is sparklingly plain. You and yourpaws, henceforth, will be bright and shining, with no reason forshame.
Herewith, a tried-and-true anti-grime arsenal for gardeners:
BASIC BAR OF SOAP *What to do: Before going out to the beds, the Chicago Tribune'sgarden writer Beth Botts suggests, scratch your fingernails acrossa bar of soap to fill up those dirt-thirsty under-nail spaces withsoap. When done gardening, add water, lather and rinse.
Cost: 50 cents or less
Where: Anywhere and everywhere. Even your next motel room
PETROLEUM JELLY/NEUTROGENA LOTIONS AND CREAMS/ANY GOOPY LOTION
What to do: This comes to us from Jennifer Brennan, horticulturistat the Chalet nursery in Wilmette, Ill. Back in college, she workedin the orchid greenhouse of one Mrs. Townsend who taught her toslather the heck out of her hands, and never need gloves. ``Youhave to use so much you think you're using way too much,'' saysBrennan. ``Rub it in your cuticles, so you seal the cellular walls,and then the dirt can't get in.'' Don't even try it with``lightweight'' lotions. The more like pure grease, the better.
Cost: Neutrogena Body Moisturizer, $8.49, Neutrogena Fast AbsorbingHand Cream, $6.29, Vaseline Petroleum Jelly, $2.99
Where: Nearly all drug or grocery stores
BAG BALM What to do: Speaking of grease, here's one to use before you headto the beds, or after, if your skin is all prickled and scratchedfrom a long day in the garden. Originally used for cows' chappedteats as far back as 1899, some ol' Vermont farmer discovered itdid wonders for farmers' hands as well.
Cost: $7.79, in the signature green tin can with the udder on thelabel
Where: Walgreens or the Vermont Country Store,vermontcountrystore.com
KIRKLANDS' WOOD GARDENER'S PEPPERMINT FOOT SCRUB What to do: Your toes might think they've died and gone to heaven.Peppermint essential oil, French sea salt, oatmeal, cornmeal,vitamin E-enriched apricot kernel oil do the trick.
Cost: $13
Where: 877-387-5358 or email, kirklandswoodwindstream.net.
LEMON What to do: Squeeze it on hard-to-ditch garden stains, they'regone in no time.
Cost: 50 cents, maybe
Where: Grocery stores and lemonade stands all over town
MUD GLOVE
What to do: Yes, we know, the world is divided into those who doand those who don't. For those who do, this nifty glove is for you.It's breathable cotton on the inside, covered with texturizedrubber, so you won't get wet. A wet hand in the garden is a muddyhand, don't you know? Best part: At the end of the muddy day, toss'em right in the washer and dryer.
Cost: $9.99
Where: At various garden stores and mudglove.com
FOXGLOVES What to do: Long as we're in the glove aisle, check out thesebeauties. Surely, you could get away with wearing these to theopera. Lycra and supplex gives them the ``bare-handed feel.'' Gobsof colors. You gotta pay for such beauty, though.
Cost: $26.99
Where: See foxglovesinc.com
FEETURES, MOISTURE-WICKING SOCKS What to do: If you want your toes to stay clean, put on socks.Ditch moisture-holding cotton ones that hold moisture. The Chalet'sBrennan swears by these.
Cost: $9.99
Where: feeturesbrand.com
KIRKLANDS' WOOD GARDENER'S HAND SCRUB What to do: So yummy you might wanna eat it. Looks like seasonedsalt, Kirklands' scrub is a blend of oatmeal, cornmeal, parsley,lemon thyme, lavender and saponaria extract. Developed by theformer garden historian and landscape architect at ColonialWilliamsburg, Kirk Moore. He now blends away in his Georgia herbstudio and says that when you sit on the side of the tub andmassage this into your toes, you might think you're fixing achicken for grilling.
Cost: $13
Where: 877-387-5358 or e-mail, kirklandswoodwindstream.net.
THYMES ``GARDENER'' EXFOLIATING HAND SOAPS What to do: The grande dame of the anti-grime brigade. Thishandy-dandy two-pack comes with purifying hand wash, soothing handlotion and scrub brush (hmm, make that a three-pack). You canschlep it right to the garden's edge. Just use your hose.
Cost: $39.99
Where: See thymes.com
GIANNA ROSE ATELIER FRENCH-MILLED OATMEAL SOAPS What to do: For you who like your apres-jardin with a Frenchtwist, try this French-milled pear soap.
Cost: $6.75
Where: See giannarose.com
HOSPITAL/AIRPORT SECURITY BOOTIES What to do: Again, this bit of wisdom from the Tribune's BethBotts: ``I save the disposable booties they give you when you arein the hospital or when you go on a housewalk or (sometimes) whenyou take your shoes off in an airport security line. I keep them onthe back porch and when I need to come in from gardening for aminute, I can slip them on over my muddy shoes and I don't trackmud all through the house. You can wash them two or three timesbefore they fall apart.''
Cost: Free
Where: At your nearest hospital or housewalk