The Labor and the Booby-Trapped Baby

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With roses and flowers; with songs, melodies and poetry; withdabkeh, parades and all kinds of dances; with drums and flutes;with orange blossom water incense; with the smiles of children;with the tranquility of the elderly and the feelings of relief;with the happiness of mothers; with the joy of residents and thelonging of immigrants; with mountains of optimism and the air ofweddings; with high foreheads and fingers pointing at the horizon;with the scents of guarantees and bandages; with the tears of themothers who lost their children, widows and orphans; it is with allthis that we welcome the government of national revenge, thegovernment of national unity.

And I must admit; yesterday I was overwhelmed by patrioticGoosebumps as I saw the picture complete; a moving scene ofnational unity. I remembered the hanging meat and the butchershops. Suddenly, everyone is back to the roots. This national prideis unbelievable; it sleeps for age and then awakes out of nowhere.

And I must admit; I was overwhelmed by the desire to pack my bags.I scolded myself for staying too long overseas. Our nation is tooexciting and should not be left for too long. One has to be presentduring these open national epics; the seasons of raw meat; theseasons of grilled meat; and raw kibbeh mashed with the pains ofcitizens.

Britain bores me; it almost kills me; not because of the cloudsthat have no sympathy for vacation. It bores me because it lacksthe excitement that distinguishes the land of cedars. It is such aboring country. Gordon Brown formed his cabinet in cold blood. Hedid not need a disciplinary operation in the capital. Theconservatives did not plant their tents in the capital to demandthe guarantor third. No pleasurable trip to Doha was necessary; andforming the cabinet did not require a small civil war on the banksof Saadnayil and Taalbaya. Coming up with the list of ministers didnot necessitate exchanging blows at Bab el-Tebbeneh and BaalMuhsin. Brown's government bores me. If some of its ministersresigned, he immediately restores it without seeing the HouseSpeaker naming it amputated or sending the House of Commons intoparliamentary coma. Such a boring country.

Such an exciting and entertaining country! The labor was long,painful, breathtaking and occasionally breath-smothering. I knowthat skeptics believe that the prodigy booby-trapped kid that wasborn yesterday was not worth the costly and long labor. I know theywould have wished if the country had seen the birth of this countrywithout all those funerals in Beirut, Bekaa and the north. I knowthat they hoped that tolerance should have revealed itself earlier,giving room to all, including those with distinguished or repulsivenames. All that would have been better but exciting nations do notchange their habits or else they would become as boring as the onceGreat Britain.

I admired what Prime Minister Fouad Siniora said following thedifficult delivery of the baby; the Lebanese formula; asserting thecivil government; resolving disputes inside institutions and underthe cap of the constitution; moderation; accepting the other;transparency, and I am a fan of transparency, and I could almostguarantee that the situation is transparent. Transparency revealedthe depth of cohesion within the March 14 camp; the quarrel overthe ministerial posts revealed so much; transparency also exposedthe absolute rejection by March 8 of spiteful acts and its passionabout accepting the other. It revealed that fondness of ministerialposts comes before the desire to build the state. The two campsshare the same lust for governmental office. I know that somehypocrites will wonder what all ministerial posts are worth if onehas lost the presidential palace. And what is anything worth if onewon all posts and broke his promises to honor the logic of thestate and institutions?

I know that the cabinet includes a number of respectable names;that it will be preoccupied preparing for delicious and transparentelections. Hence, all necessary steps must be taken to ensure thatit can perform as a harmonious team. In this respect, the Lebanesearmy should be assigned to handle security inside the council ofministers. In fact, electronic passes and bulletproof glass can beused when necessary. Naturally, a sufficient amount oftranquilizers, bandages and ambulances must be procured prior toevery session, especially if the transparency was applied inopening files. After the memorial photograph, I hope that theministers will sign a code of honor that prevents them from usingwarnings and threats as well as adjectives such as traitor,corrupt, collaborator, and conspirator. It is also recommended toban ministers from participating in talk shows on cable TV; afterall, the government's laundry is a national treasure that shouldonly be released after decades from now to guarantee the securityof citizens and protect the feelings of tourists.

Despite the numerous remarks, and albeit all the deep fears, andregardless of the justified suspicions, we congratulate theLebanese people. Any government is better than slipping towardIraqization or Somalization. I am well aware of the disappointmentof those who followed the intolerable labor. I heard skeptics talkabout the booby-trapped baby. Yet, this was the best possibleoutcome. May God have mercy and open the gates of heavens for thosewho lost their lives.