How having a stroke led neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor to nirvana

Tag : Radiating Cable
Jill Bolte Taylor lost her mind on December 10, 1996. And it was,she says, a wonderful experience.
Once she figured out that her ability to process information aswell as walk, talk, read or recall anything about her life werefading fast due to a blood vessel exploding in her brain, Taylor, aneuroanatomist and professor at Indiana University School ofMedicine, observed the process of her stroke for as long as shecould (while also trying to remember exactly how to use the phoneto call for help) as she moved ever deeper into what she describesas "LaLa Land."
Now, after brain surgery and almost a decade of recovery in whichshe had to relearn how to use the part of her brain that wasdisabled by the stroke, Taylor says her stroke-induced experienceof living primarily in right brain mode — freed of theincessant "chatter" of her left brain as it attempts to organize,categorize and make sense of all it was experiencing — hastransformed her into a more creative, compassionate person whofeels a strong connection with all life.
That sense of oneness came when the left brain's ability to declare"I am" was squelched by the stroke and Taylor lost all sense ofherself as an individual. She recalled, in a speech given this past winter at the TED (Technology, Entertainment,Design) conference, being unable to tell where the atoms andmolecules that comprised her arm stopped and the atoms andmolecules that comprised the rest of the world began.
Such experiences are a primary goal of some spiritual traditions,and Taylor often uses the language of the sacred to describe herstroke and its effects — speaking of energy flows, being avessel for the life force, peace, harmony, surrender, trust —but as a scientist she also understands that what she experiencedwas a natural, not supernatural, event.
Taylor documented her discoveries and recovery in her book, "MyStroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey." She alsolectures on the experience of having and recovering from a stroke,creates and sells unique stained glass brain art , and travels the country on behalf of the Harvard Brain Bank asthe "Singin' Scientist." I interviewed her last week by e-mail.
The way you describe your stroke sounds almost like a spiritualawakening — an epiphany or a glimpse of nirvana —rather than just a medical emergency. Did it feel that way to you?
Some people refer to it as a spiritual experience. Others call itenlightenment. I'm not attached to the label. I am more interestedin understanding what happened from a neuroanatomical perspective.I'm a believer that whatever abilities I have in the world —the ability to track a moving target through space or the abilityto move my left index finger — is based upon cells in mybrain that perform that function. When my left hemisphere circuitryshut down, it released inhibiting fibers from my right hemisphere,and that circuitry became dominant. From my perspective, my abilityto experience bliss and euphoria was because that was theunchallenged or over-ridden circuitry of my right hemisphere. Youhave to remember that this was not for just a moment in time or aglimpse of something — this was five weeks of an absolutelysilent mind and then an eight-year process of recovery.
I have to admit that I was surprised reading that one of yourimmediate reactions when you realized you were having a stroke was,"Wow, this is so cool!" It seemed to me that, as a scientist, you'dbe terrified of losing the ability to think, learn and expressyourself ...
I had spent my entire life trying to understand the brain and howit creates our perception of reality. Because my brother wasdiagnosed with the brain disorder schizophrenia, I was fascinatedby how two people could witness the exact same situation but walkaway with very different perceptions about what just happened. WhenI realized that I was experiencing a stroke, I realized that I hada rare glimpse — through the eyes of a neuroanatomist, intowhat it actually felt like to experience neurologicaldeterioration. My judgmental, fearful left hemisphere was notinundating me with fearful thoughts, and I found the experiencetotally fascinating.

Do you know of other people who have had a stroke and experiencedit the same way as you did?
Yes, I am receiving over 100 e-mails a day, and folks who have hadthe same type of experience have sent me messages sharing theirstories with me.

Due to the stroke, your right brain became far more dominant,correct? Can you give us a brief overview — very brief and inlaymen's terms — of what functions the right and left braincontrol?
The right hemisphere is all about the present moment. It's allabout right here, right now. It thinks in pictures and understandssubtle forms of communication including body language, faciallanguage and tone of voice. It's also very good at knowing ifsomeone is telling the truth. It is our intuitive mind, our abilityto witness what is going on in our left hemisphere. It sees andreads energy dynamics radiating from everything and recognizes thateverything is connected. Because you are connected to me, it iseasy for my right hemisphere to be compassionate.
My left hemisphere thinks in language. It is our ability to createlanguage through our vocal cords and then have our mind placemeaning on that language. It is our ability to think linearly bylinking our moments together so that we can apply what we learned amoment ago to how we think in this present moment. It is ourability to say 'I am an individual,' and it knows all the detailsof my life. It is detail oriented and expert at analytical thinkingthat helps me organize and characterize information.
And you can still recapture the same feelings and insights youexperienced when you had the stroke — specifically thesensation of being, as the Buddhists say, "one with everything"?
I never let go of that feeling. When my left hemisphere circuitrybecame capable of functioning again, I regained those lefthemisphere abilities — the ability to speak, think linearly,remember the past moment so I could use that information to shapemy opinion of the present moment. But those are merely additions tomy experience of bliss, and I can turn those circuits off at aconscious level whenever I choose. I believe we all can.
How has this change in reality changed your life?
I can imagine nothing more wonderful than knowing that I amconnected to everything and that I am at one with all that is. Ihave a sense of security in my life now that I never dreamedpossible. I take my individual ego self much less seriously andtrust much more that "what will be, will be." I look for the goodand the gift in everything. I celebrate that I am alive and liveeveryday with a sense of gratitude. I do my best to get out of theway of what is coming and to be open, with celebration, to whateverdoes come my way.
Over the years, have you learned ways that people who haven't had astroke can experience this reality — being one with all thatis?
Yes. Since we are a product of the cells in our brain then we arewired to have the experience of joy and bliss and the feeling ofbeing at ONE with all that is. When we are in our right hemisphere,we are exhibiting very different personality traits than when weare in our left hemispheres. If someone wants to experience theirright mind then all they have to do is to bring their thoughts tothe present moment. We can stimulate this circuitry by using ournatural body and sensory circuits. When we experience smells, weare in the right here right now. When we have belly laughter, weare in the right here right now. Concentrating and remembering whatthese states feels like gives us the ability to recreate thatfeeling by choice. There are all sorts of ways we can do this thatI list in "My Stroke of Insight."
How do these methods work — how do they enable us to, asyou've put it, step to the right of our left brain?
They help us recognize when we are already exercising that righthemisphere circuitry and help us figure out how to rerun thatcircuitry by choice. The more clear I become in what it "feels"like to be in my right or left minds, the easier it is for me tochoose which feeling I prefer in any moment. We are making thesechoices consciously and unconsciously every day.
Are there other benefits to living a more right brain centeredlife?
Lack of stress, and the physical, emotional and cognitive wear andtear stress can cause. Also, as a compassionate being, I nurture myrelationships with others. The more aware we are that we are allconnected to one another, then the more consciously we can chooseto nurture our relationship with the planet.
A story in the New York Times quoted you as saying that "Religionis a story that the left brain tells the right brain," followed byyour statement "nirvana exists right now." How do you reconcilewhat seems to me to be two opposite view points — thatreligion is a construct but nirvana, bliss, oneness is real?
Nirvana is not a religion, it is an experience. Religions arecognitive thought patterns and programmed behaviors in order tohave an experience — like nirvana.
Were you a spiritual person before the stroke?
I trusted there was something in the universe that was moreimportant than me.
Would you describe yourself as spiritual now? How so?
I would describe myself as a well balanced brain, as I now existwith the ability to get out of my ego center, or not, by choice. Atthe same time, I do choose to spend most of my time connected tothe flow and the big picture of my life and how my life interactswith others.
You are the "Singin' Scientist" for Harvard's Brain Bank. Could youtell us about the Brain Bank and your work there?
There is a long term shortage of brain tissue donated for researchinto the severe mental illnesses. I advocate for brain donationsince it has been one of the best kept secrets in the country. Manypeople think that if they have signed the back of their driverslicense then they are an organ/brain donor. However, organprocurement organizations exclude the brain. If you want to be abrain donor then you must donate your brain to a brain bank. If youwould like to hear my favorite rendition of the brain bank jingle,please visit me at www.drjilltaylor.com .
Finding My Religion wants to hear from you. Send comments onstories and suggestions for interview subjects to miller@sfgate.com .