Uganda: The Citizen, the Telephone And the Toothpick Circus

So far the National Resistance Movement (NRM) is enjoying what my American friends would call "a good year".

Out of 13 by-elections at parliamentary and district levels, the NRM has taken seven. That rises to nine because two independents who won in those by-elections signed a memorandum of understanding with the NRM.

Equally significant is that after a whole decade, the Makerere University Guild elections have been swooped by an NRM candidate. There remains work to be done in Bukomansimbi in Masaka, where another by-election is just around the corner; but after good support from President Yoweri Museveni and Vice President Gilbert Bukenya, the NRM candidate - Lubyayi Kisiki - is expected to win comfortably.

By all indications, the party is on cruise control; unshakeable and established, so I can afford to indulge in matters a little outside the political arena.

The cleanliness of Kampala City did pick up a great deal in the countdown to the Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting (CHOGM), and the city now looks much better than it has in a long time. In many ways, the First Lady, Janet Museveni has had a lot to do with it; playing her role as hostess in ensuring that the visitors did not find the house dirty and unpresentable.

However, a lot still remains to be done. I have lately been reflecting on how best we can establish a culture of cleanliness, so that CHOGM or none, we have an impeccable environment; so that our towns and cities can be beyond reproach, not littered with garbage and stuff.

To understand our personal hygiene habits as a people, just place a packet of toothpicks on the table in the sitting room. Ugandans seem to be irresistibly attracted to toothpicks!

Under normal circumstances, many visitors will head straight for it - even before eating anything! Then you fear for their teeth as they poke endlessly for long periods, with such ferocity that bleeding or some other such consequence is inevitable. Soon they will look for where to spit, and a few of them will have no qualms spitting on your carpet, thank you very much!

And after they are done, they throw the leftover toothpicks all over the place without giving a fig as to what you think of the matter. In hotels it is the same thing, except that you'd be forgiven to think toothpicks are the starters on the menu.

As soon as some folks take their seats, they reach for the toothpicks. A few chaps simply bite off the sharp end of the toothpick, chew to soften the now blunt ends, and proceed to use it as a toothbrush!

One or two may even use the little thing to ease the itch in their ear or simply to remove the wax that has been there for quite a while! As they poke their ears, you wonder if they have an idea of what damage that could do to their eardrums.

Then they look at the wax like it is some diamond that they have mined from the earth's bowels and proceed to clean the toothpick by rubbing it off their shirt or hair, before either plugging it into the ear again, or tossing it onto the floor and picking another. Some even use the toothpick to pick their nails - in full view of the public!

I think one of these days I might catch somebody using a toothpick to pick their nose, without caring about the chagrin of those watching. Even those who bother to use proper ear cleaners simply don't bother to dispose of them responsibly - they just dump them anywhere and everywhere.

Let me tender some free advice to hoteliers - and I am charging no consultancy fees: bring toothpicks at the end of the meal. It is likely most people will use the toothpicks on their way out.

This will save you the ungainly sight of littered toothpicks. Besides, you may get to keep customers - those decent folks who lose appetite and go away after looking at the toothpick abuse.

If an educated person, whose brain ought to have been warmed with decorum and decency, is this uncultured, you wonder why the uneducated should not do are very uncouth. Same goes for the way we use the phone, exhibiting no manners at all. If you dial a wrong number, it is as though you just crucified the Son of God. "Harro! Who are you? Why are you calling this number?" somebody barks. One time when subjected to such Bolshevik interrogation, after dialling a wrong number, I replied that I was Winnie Mandela.

The man literally outdid himself with apologies and trying to be nice! Or you call somebody and he whispers loudly, "I am in a meeting; why are you disturbing me?" How on earth was I supposed to know you were in a meeting? Why didn't you switch off your phone in the first place or put it in silent mode? Or better still, why didn't you give the phone to your secretary or personal assistant to respond to your callers?

The reasonable conclusion from all this is that as a society, we have a big problem with uncouth behaviour. As we aspire to have a clean city and clean towns that we can be proud of, our people must first of all start with the ABC of being civilised.