Sister Sandy takes hosing down the kids to a whole new level

Tag : rubber buffing

I get clean in the pool, he told his mother, who was trying tospiff the kid up for when her ex picked him up for a lavishvacation.
She had no trouble getting her teen to take showers. With Preston,nothing worked.
Then a wild idea zapped her.
Everybody get in the golf cart. Wear your swim trunks, she said,loading up her boys and entering one of those explosive washeswhere one can choose from a variety of cleaning, buffing and waxingoptions.
Sandy entered the stall, paid her $12 for the Super Soaker,Peel-the-Rubber-off-the-Tires wash with a wax job even duckfeathers cant match.
They slowly pulled up but nothing happened. The message flashed.Back up! Back up!
This golf cart doesnt weigh enough, she told her boys. Stand upand lets jump up and down to get some weight on this thing so wecan get our Wash and Wax.
They did as told, to no avail. Sandy ate that $12 and decided to goacross the street to the eight-bay, do-it-yourself wash.
We were ready for our hot high pressure, touchless car wash. Nobrushes. Just a blasting with these jets, she said.
It may take the skin off your butts, but youll get a good bath,she told her boys. I cant send you to your father smelling likeour two dogs.
She couldnt stop laughing. I heard the boys squealing in thebackground when she called to report her latest outrageousbehavior. Nothing had topped this since she spent $200 on apossum-fur coat and wore it by the pool in her bikini, glass ofchampagne in her hand.
In the bay, she cranked the wand, the gun and other apparatuses andproceeded to bathe her boys. Preston, being light of weight,nearly blew into the road. The soap sprayed, the gun blasted, thenSandy told them to work the lather in their hair as if it were abottle of Pert Plus.
You wouldnt believe how clean they got, she said. Their hairhad never smelled better. All we needed was some Armor All fortheir nails and one of those pine-scented things you put on therearview mirror for their wrists.
I called Mama that night to tell her about Sandys latest bathingroutine. She was not amused.
But Mama, dont you recall Daddy sudsing up by the pool everysummer at our house?
She remained silent. The memories of my father, after swimming hislaps, surfaced, and I recalled him with the hose in hand, a cake ofsoap and his triple-blade plastic razor on the table nearby.
Hed shampoo his hair, shave, take the soap to every part of hisbody, including the insides of his trunks, rinse, and be done.
We aint right, Sandy said. Lets just face it.
This is the opinion of Susan Reinhardt. Contact her at sreinhardt@citizen-times.com .