Bathing suit blues

Tag : mannequin bust

As a mature adult woman, I've reached an age where putting on abathing suit is strictly business. There won't be any posing,preening, or pouting. I'm not in the running for Miss July. When Iput on a bathing suit, it's because it's frigging hot out and I'mgoing swimming.
And if I'm lucky, the particular bathing suit that I put on will beone that still fits me from last year. If my luck runs out, and Iam forced to admit that the extra tummy roll isn't water retention,then I will have no choice but to make that pilgrimage to the mallin search of a new suit.
There I will face the dreaded changing rooms, the ones with thefunhouse mirrors that accentuate every pore, every wrinkle, everymolecule of cellulite.
I will spend an afternoon with armloads of bathing suits in everystyle and colour imaginable. I will stand in nothing but my undies,pulling on one Lycra number after another, seeking that one sacredsuit, the one with the tummy control panel, the bust enhancer andthe torso lengthener - the suit that doesn't require discreetadjusting every time I bend over.
I will evaluate myself under that weird fluorescent lighting,looking jaundiced, my skin covered in goose bumps. I will convincemyself that if I do 50 crunches a day for the next 30 days, I'llhave the beginnings of a six pack instead of what looks like pizzadough rising out of the waistband. I will hold my arms outhorizontally looking for signs of that wobbly underarm flesh, and Iwill despair that my bubers look more like tubers.
Then hopefully my own amused pair of blue eyes will look back atme, and I will smile to myself and I will say:
"Jane, you're a fairly intelligent woman. You're smart enough toknow that the perfect pair of breasts in the catalogue areexpensive implants. You're savvy enough to know that every tinyhair, every perceived imperfection has been airbrushed out of thosepictures, until the models bear no more resemblance to the averagewoman than a mannequin does. So get a grip and buy the navy suitwith the floral print. It looks fine."
And after I have my suit, I will make this plea to all the ladiesfrom Victoria to St. John's: ladies, let us recognize each other'sbravery as we embrace summer and proudly squeeze into our bathingsuits. Let us not pass judgment if we meet at the pool or on thebeach. Let us be kind to each other. And perhaps more importantly,let us be kind to ourselves.
And in the near future, if like me, you're lying in your bathingsuit wondering if you made the right decision - take my advice.Open your eyes and look around you. Focus your attention on amature adult male, preferably one who is standing sideways,guzzling a beer and scratching his gut without a care in the world.Then relax and rejoice in your jiggles.