Sketch: Sex god Nick Clegg says the duvet has had its day

Tag : cartoon slippers

I was beginning to feel bad for the Lib Dems. With minutes tospare, the Yellow Peril (as they are known) fanned out to occupyhalf the purple chairs. What a relief. The Tories used to do thisin the bad old Iain Duncan Smith days. Yesterday the Lib Demseasily outnumbered the press, which at its peak totalled eight,including three from the BBC.
Then, suddenly, Nick was before us. I didn't hear him; he must havebeen wearing slippers. “Thank you very much for coming to thelaunch of Make It Happen,” he said without apparent irony.“This is a really important moment for the Lib Dems.”
Pathos. Bathos. Or, possibly, both. Who would be a politician?Then, just when I thought it could not get worse, the restaurantdishwasher started up with a mighty hum. It was tidal. Actually,I'm not sure the Pacific was this intrusive. Through the thrum, Icould hear only snippets of Nick saying things like “puttingpeople first”, “wasteful government”,“lower taxes”.
Just when I began to get the hang of it (you have to concentrate asif it is a hearing test), the cutlery began to crash. “ThisGovernment seems to have given up,” said Nick. “It's asif they are having a collective do [crash crash] day.” Dowhat? Later, I discovered he had said “duvet” (is thiswise for a sex god?) though he pronounced the whole thing asdo-vais-day, emphasising the do, which made it sound foreign.Indeed this may be the most exotic word since Bill Clinton taughtus “ubuntu”, which means “I am, because youare”. Ubuntu Dovaisday. Now there's a slogan.
Afterwards I cobbled together the details, such that they are. TheLib Dems are going to tax the rich more (by tinkering with thingslike pension tax relief) and the poor less. They are going to cutgovernment spending by £20billion. It's all about creating afairer world, though details are sketchy to say the least. This wastheir “direction of travel”.
“It's no good wishing for this. We've got to make ithappen,” said Nick, looking a bit lost.
Outside I saw a man walk by with a towering chef's hat, as high asMarge's beehive in The Simpsons. Crash, thrum, mad hats. What acartoon. It was all happening here though not, perhaps, as“it” was supposed to.