Angst of being single in wedding season

Tag : Women' Shoes

"I really drove one relationship into the ground because Ipanicked so much," says Lewak, a 28-year-old freelance writerfrom New York City. "The guy almost had no choice but to runbecause I didn't make the relationship about us -- I made it aboutgetting married and put it on an artificial timeline."
Lewak learned so much from the process that she decided to pen thebook "The Panic Years" -- which evidently start after 25-- advising readers how to change their relationship strategy frompetrified to proactive. "When you face so much pressure aboutgetting married," she says, "it really chips away at yourpsyche."
Katie Judd is dealing with a double emotional wallop. The26-year-old Bostonian recently broke up with her boyfriend and ishelping plan her sister's October wedding. It's her younger sister,by the way -- not a small point when the pressure to pair becomespalpable.
Judd, an account executive in digital media relations, is bracingherself for rude or withering comments at her sister's celebration,where she will serve as maid of honor.
"I think it would be ... awful to hear something like, 'Itwill happen for you someday,' because it will sound supportive, butit's really not," Judd says.
Even those who attend weddings with significant others are notimmune to snarky, intrusive questions about their relationshipstatus. Zac Rantz of Nixa, Missouri, has gone to quite a fewceremonies with his girlfriend of eight months only to find thatother guests think "just dating" isn't quite good enough.
"Everyone else can think we're the perfect couple, and we canagree, but that doesn't mean we're ready to get married," saysRantz, 28, a school district public information officer."These questions can be awkward, because it's between the twoof us and not everyone else."
Aside from avoiding annoying queries and dodging the dreadedbouquet toss -- "I sneak out before that," says Price --how can singles keep their dignity at weddings and have fun in theprocess? The most effective tactic may be to get out of their ownheads, says Clay Cockrell, a Manhattan-based therapist who counselsmany singles.
"All eyes are on the bride," says Cockrell, 38."While you may feel uncomfortable about being single, it'sreally not about you. Realizing that you are not the focus ofattention can reduce anxiety."
As for the happy couple, Cockrell offers several tips to help themshow more sensitivity to their single guests at the reception:
• Plan a fun table. Scattering your single friends throughout the room isolates themand can place them in awkward situations. Avoid this by puttingthem all together.
• Don't ban the Chicken Dance. You may hate group dances such as the Macarena and the ElectricSlide, but remember that singles like to dance, too, and makingthem watch countless slow dances between couples can beexcruciating.
• Empathize. Try to remember what it was like to go to weddings when you weresingle. If you toss the bouquet, refrain from yelling out singles'names or dragging them to the floor.
• Keep in mind that wedded bliss is great ... for you: Baltimore wedding planner Linnyette Richardson-Hall, 47 anddivorced, has had many a client try to fix her up at their nuptialsduring her 16 years in the business. "A lot of times whenyou're happy like that, you want everyone on that train," shesays. "But I think I'll stay at the station."