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Feeling good all under

[2008-5-16]

Tag: Sexy Teddies

    The other day I was taken back a little when greeting a female friend with a hug. As her billowy sundress collapsed under my arm, my hand finally met her waist and discovered the lack of a waistband underneath. She wasn’t wearing any underwear.

    Luckily she was a good enough friend to confirm my suspicions with the justification of “this dress is unforgiving to panty lines.” But regardless, it got me thinking about the whole subject of underwear in general and some observations I’ve recently made.

    We’re brought up as kids with Superman or Spiderman briefs designed to make “underwear, fun to wear” as the old TV commercials suggest. Otherwise, we’d probably have gone from baby diapers to adult diapers with little time in between. It isn’t until our mid-teens that the prospect of showing our undergarments to the opposite sex inspires us to think twice about what we’re wearing.

    For guys, there are really only three viable options: boxers, briefs or boxer-briefs. Anyone wearing briefs past the age of 12 must re-evaluate their life immediately. They don’t call them “grippies” or “tidy-whities” because they’re cute. Move on. Almost as bad, boxer briefs are for guys who either 1) think everyone wants to see their package, or 2) just can’t make the full move over to boxers. And I understand. Boxers take a little getting used to. You have to tuck the legs into your pants much like a shirt. They don’t hold the boys in like briefs so there’s always the chance for movement throughout the day. But let me tell you, when you’re walking around the house in your underwear, any girl will tell a guy that boxers are a much more tolerable look than any banana hammock.

    Now, about girls’ underwear. They have more combination options than a Starbucks coffee drink. Every shape and size of bras, panties, camisoles, teddies, pantyhose, knee-highs, thigh-highs, garter belts, girdles, socks – you name it. There are two major retail store chains devoted just to women’s underwear, in addition to all of the department stores and mail-order catalogs. Bottom line: Chicks love lingerie.

    But they have different levels of affection for the stuff. Some girls spend lots of time and hard-earned cash buying “sets” of underwear that match to the hilt, and would look well put together if they ever got lucky. Some girls wear mismatched bras and panties out of comfort and convenience, or they simply don’t care. Some girls have “girls” that enable them to go bra optional. And some, which amazes me, must wear a bra, but don’t always see the need to wear panties. If I were a girl, I think that would feel weird. Like wearing a shirt and shoes and no pants.

    Speaking of panties, I guess the biggest mystery I’ve noticed about a woman’s choice of undies is the reason why they choose to wear a certain type. Some girls have given up, and resort to wearing “granny panties” or “buckets” as I’ve heard them called. Comfort is the only concern there. Some wear “normal” cotton underwear with polka dots or hearts on them so that they are “cute” and “fun” but really serve no purpose other than the obvious. But most younger and/or single women tend to choose the sexier side of the dial for their panties, as in thongs, boy shorts and other butt-revealing, high-legged goodness—what you see on television models, celebs in Maxim or, dare I say it, the mannequins in the Victoria Secret’s window.

    And let me tell you, there’s nothing more exciting than seeing the woman you’re about to make sweet love to reveal the kind of underwear that makes your engine rev. But boys, recent impromptu surveys by myself and others have unveiled a cloud of disappointment on the phenomenon known as “the thong.” Chicks aren’t wearing them for us. In fact, most of the time they aren’t even trying to be sexy. They simply wear these tantalizing scraps of silk (or nothing at all) for one reason, and one reason only. They don’t show panty lines. It’s sad, but true.

    Whatever kind of underwear you choose, listen to your momma and be sure to wear a clean pair every day. You never know when you might be in an accident.


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